Blind Man Walking

Imagine wearing a blindfold and walking down a tunnel with no sense of direction or understanding of where it leads. Due to your inability to see, you stumble across rocks and bump against the walls a few times. You’re frustrated because it seems like you’re walking aimlessly and tirelessly. At this point, you can decide to hesitantly walk in distress or stride with grace down this dim tunnel. Either way, the endpoint is unknown and reaching your destination depends on your ability to walk with faith, trust and have confidence that this journey won’t be in vain.

I believe that we are all blind men walking. There are aspects of our lives that requires us to operate in the unknown and that’s not a good feeling. It’s easy to  become anxious and fearful that the outcome could be unfavorable or that you won’t reach the finish line at all. In the past, I found it difficult to find peace not knowing where my next step would lead me. I began making rash decisions strictly out of fear or decisions that I knew were not right. However, they provided temporary relief. After bumping my head many times, I’ve learned to embrace the mysterious journey and know that on the other side lie great things.

As a twenty-nine year old single woman I have several friends that are in relationships or married and beginning their families. I aspire to have a husband and children one day as well. I am single going on 5 years and there are no current prospects in the picture. That’s scary to think about especially as a woman inching towards 30. I’ve compared myself to my parents who met during college and have been married for over 30 years and wondered why I couldn’t have the same love story. I realized the older I get before I’m married the less time I have to spend with my husband. I also thought about having a child in my 30’s versus being younger. There are many thoughts that have crossed my mind. While there is great freedom and joy in being single, I was concerned about my future. As I wrote in Redefined Taste Buds, I made some bad decisions in dating. Behind those poor decisions was a fearful young woman and the results were predictable. I knew where the road would end and it wasn’t in a happy place. Consequently, I decided that while I’m single I will make the best of it and be faithful while waiting for my special someone. With much prayer, God revealed to me that I could either worry or trust him. I decided to go with the latter. Since trusting in him, he’s provided me confidence that everything will work in my favor as if I could actually see down the dark tunnel when in fact I can’t. Then I reflected on every other aspect in my life, other situations at some point seemed dark, nevertheless, I walked out on the other side better than I walked in. For example, when I graduated from college and it took me 2-3 years to find a full-time job or the discouragement when I worked two years for a promotion after being in that position for two years. After many conversations with God and time to reflect I made up in my mind that while I’m single I would invest heavily in myself.  You won’t find me wishing I had a man in my free time instead you will catch me cooking new recipes for my parents to try, reading self-help books, taking Zumba classes, treating myself to dates and traveling among other activities. I figure I could keep imagining that every guy who winks and smiles at me may be my future husband or I can walk blindly and believe that it will happen if and when it’s in Gods will. Now I appreciate the winks and smiles simply for what they are just kind gestures. Lastly, I realized that everyone’s timing is different and your surroundings should inspire you not cause you to compare. The benefits of having so many married friends are that I get to learn about being married, having a family and what it requires to be successful. It’s insightful and it strengthens my faith. I’m confident I’ll be more prepared when the time comes.

Dark tunnels aren’t meant to make you fearful, however, they can help you exercise other senses like faith, trust and confidence. There is beauty in walking blindly. You are forced and challenged to learn how to navigate through life in ways you wouldn’t have before if you could see your future. You wouldn’t be as grateful for the journey. So walk blindly, walk fearlessly, walk faithfully and appreciate the moment.  Although it’s normal to get lost in your feelings, fight it and heighten your level of faith.

Have you been faithful lately?