You’re Not Over It, What Now?

Do you find yourself wanting to get over someone when the relationship ended in what seems like a long time ago? You believe that if you don’t get over them in a “timely” manner, then you can’t deem yourself as “strong.” You begin to think about the energy it’s taking for you to move on and get frustrated with yourself because you’re just not over it. It may take a while to fully get over someone you once or still love. It requires strength to be honest with yourself and admit the phase you’re currently in. Below are five ways to make the best of your unresolved feelings and what to do while you’re healing:

1.      Acknowledge- If you’re still hurt or in love, acknowledge it. Oftentimes, we try to persuade ourselves that we feel differently than we really do.The worst thing you can do is lie to yourself, because to grow you have to first know thyself. The more time you spend in denial, the longer your process will be. Be real. If you know where you stand, it’s easier to determine where you’re going.

2.      Feel- It’s healthy to feel. If you need to cry, do so. It isn’t a sign of weakness to show you still care, it shows that you’re human. When you keep your feelings bottled up, you risk them coming out all at once and in harmful ways. Obviously, you don’t want to throw yourself a pity party every day or get wrapped up in your feelings but find therapy in expressing yourself. Just take a deep breath and release it all.

3.      Appreciate- While mourning the love you lost it’s easy to forget about the love you regularly receive from your friends and family. Of course it hurts to no longer have someone you once enjoyed but don’t become blind sighted to the love that already surrounds you. Know that you are treasured from others and accept it in whichever form it comes.

4.      Understand- There’s a reason why a previous relationship didn’t work out. It’s simple, God has someone else for you. Quickly reflect on your previous situation, take away from it the good and bad lessons you learned and apply them to the future. Life is like a puzzle. God see’s all the pieces and how each one fits into the other piece, while you can only see from your perspective. There’s a bigger picture and understand you’re walking into a new season.

5.      Slow Down- Avoid immediately rushing into something new with someone else. Jumping around to new people is a time filler not a time healer. Once the people disappear, the hurt that was always there will reappear because you never allowed yourself time to completely heal. It’s more important to move slow than to rush into possible destruction.

Don’t get caught up in society’s or your own expectations on how quickly you should get over someone. Strength is the ability to say you’re not over it, or it still hurts, or admitting that you’re having some difficulty moving forward. You’re human and you’re strong even when you think you’re being weak. Face your feelings head on and don’t rush to get over something that takes time. Eventually, you will feel good that you allowed yourself to go through this in a healthy way. Healing is a process not a race, pace yourself.