Published on Black and Married with Kids as, “My Heart Was Wounded and I Didn’t Even Know It”
I wish God could literally show us the physical condition of our heart, that way it’d be clear on what’s really going on inside.I say that because not too long ago I was under the impression that my heart was in pretty good shape but I was sadly mistaken.I have healthy relationships with my family and friends.I absolutely enjoy love and I 100% believe in it. Most of the time, I’m happy and although I’ve faced hurt as all of us have, it hasn’t changed my outlook on life, or so I thought.
This rude awakening happened a month ago while I was out with a close friend and we were talking about someone who hurt me.I began to speak negatively about him, and five minutes turned into a 45 minute car ride of pointless conversation.While I was not angry with the person, I did have a few choice words about him. I didn’t think twice about our conversation until the next day in my Women’s Discipleship class where the lesson was on prayer.Our teacher explained the different roadblocks that hinder us from effectively praying and two that stood out were unforgiveness and bitterness.That afternoon I did some reflecting and God revealed to me the true condition of my heart by reminding me of my recent discussion.While I don’t believe I’ve been walking around acting sour, I realized that deep down inside I am bitter and I had not completely forgiven this person.Not only did He reveal what lied within my heart but He also checked me. In the situation, I was not perfect and made some mistakes as well.God showed me that I was walking around without compassion for this person when I too required forgiveness for the role I played in everything.As I ask for forgiveness I have to work on forgiving.
God granted my wish and exposed the state of my heart.While changing how I feel won’t be an easy task and I doubt that it’ll be resolved in a few days, this is a start.Everyday has been a challenge but I’m dedicated to this assignment.I’m working on filling my heart with grace because I can’t love freely with a hardened heart.As long as I stay mad at someone, I am in bondage. Forgiveness sets you free allowing you to love and trust others again.While I can’t provide five steps on how to let it go, purposeful prayer is a solid beginning.I wrote a prayer to encourage you, whether it was your friend, family member, spouse or someone else that offended you.Also, don’t become frustrated if you’re just not there yet, be patient with yourself and start here:
Lord, you see the hurt and pain I’m facing over (person).I ask that you remove any feelings of anger, bitterness and unforgiveness from my heart and replace it with love, grace and mercy.Provide me with peace, comfort and closure about the situation.I rebuke the enemy when he attempts to dilute my mind with negative thoughts about (person).Heal my heart, Lord. Make me whole again and give me the strength and courage to love as you have designed me to.Allow me to walk in total freedom from the past and break this stronghold.I will not be bound by unforgiveness.I declare and decree that I will move forward from what has happened and completely forgive (person) in entirety.In Jesus name I pray, amen.