Yeah, I said I don’t care about men.
Three weeks ago, I was at dinner with my girls when I was asked, “Neesh, last year you were enjoying being single and not focused on men, are you ready to start dating?” I boldly responded, “I’m open but honestly, I don’t care about men right now.” Over the last week, I reflected on the real meaning behind my statement.
First, let’s rewind. After a chaotic situation-ship, I decided to focus on finding restoration. Why? Well, I walked away from someone whom I allowed to hurt me emotionally for several years. It left me depressed and full of guilt for how things ended. Above all, I was pissed for putting myself in a bad situation. For six months, I had insomnia and cried when I was supposed to be sleeping. I felt depleted but I was determined to come out of this funk and I did. I began traveling, exercising three times a week and revamping my relationship with God. It’s been challenging healing from brokenness but I’m invested in my personal happiness which has been empowering.
For the last two years, I’ve been busting my butt to be happily single. No prospects, no exchanging numbers, no dates, nothing at all. Yes, I’ve had opportunities but my decision has been intentional. As a result, I’m more mature, confident and I understand my worth. Being alone changed me.
My recent thoughts led me to begin exploring my feelings on dating. I asked myself, “Am I scared to like someone out of fear?” I realized my response at dinner was a defense mechanism to protect myself from being disappointed. If I don’t “care” for men, I’m not interested in dating them which ultimately means I can’t risk being hurt again. Yes, I’ve had unhealthy dating experiences but there are dedicated men capable and willing to genuinely love one woman. A few bad men don’t represent the entire population.
The real transformation begins within me and what I speak. My words are powerful. My words are declarations of what can happen. My words speak life or death. Essentially, my words affect my thoughts which in return affect my behavior. I vowed to quit saying I don’t care about men because it’s not true and can be self-sabotaging.
I encourage you to be intentional with your words and thoughts. Today, here’s my declaration: I have a lot of love for men. I open myself up for the opportunity to meet and be available to the man God has for me, in His perfect timing. As far as my fears, let’s talk about them in my next post, “The Courage to Date, Again.”