In my last post, I wrote about the power of my words. At the end, I mentioned my fear of dating. Since then I’ve been trying to understand what’s driving this feeling. Where does this come from and how can I get rid of it? Well, now I know. My anxiety comes from hurt and disappointment. In addition to feeling like a failure as it pertains to relationships and taking too “long” to move on. There are risks that come with dating. Risks that I haven’t been willing to take in exchange for my peace and happiness. I ‘d rather be alone than deal with someone cheating, lying, or mistreating me. I enjoy going to sleep every night stress free, so that means I shouldn’t date to preserve these positive vibes, right? Wrong. Being alone out of fear isn’t the solution, it’s avoidance. Dodging what I’m scared of won’t make it go away. I’m facing my fears and putting them front and center. Here’s how:
- Risk Disappointment. I’m learning to take responsibility for my own happiness and not lose myself within someone by making them my entire world. I desire to complement my mate not complete him nor him complete me. It’s impossible to never feel disappointed because we are human and we all make mistakes. However, the key is for me and my mate to be upfront about our expectations and what we have to offer each other.
- Learn from Failure. I’ve grown to appreciate failing. It’s an opportunity to be better. Failures are setups to win. “Unsuccessful” relationships don’t mean that I’ve failed as a person, it means this situation wasn’t meant to be. We’ll win some and we NEVER lose any if we apply the lesson learned next time around.
- Take Time to Recover. Up until a year ago, I always wanted to recover quickly. Healing is a process, not a race. My good friend tells me regularly it’s ok to feel how I feel and not rush to feel anything else. I won’t fake the funk or hurry my process to prove a point to others or get to the next relationship. I will take the time I need to feel better, emotionally and mentally.
To be completely honest, I’m not ready. There’s still some work to be done before getting involved in a committed relationship because how I feel on the inside will definitely reflect on the outside. Once I’ve conquered my spirit of fear and the timing is divine, I’ll be better prepared to date again.
So, if you’ve been single for a while and feel fearful about entering the dating world again, it’s ok. Take care of yourself first by identifying the feelings that scare you. Acknowledge them, write them down and formulate different ways you can tackle them. Work on your inner man before adding another person to the picture. You are more than capable of turning your fear into faith. One day my dear, WE will have the courage, trust and confidence to date again.